Until recently, the pup scene has been a fairly underground sect of BDSM culture. Though you may recognise the leather dog masks that are emblematic of the scene at Pride or in your local sex shop. Wherever you might have encountered pups and their handlers, we’re here to unpick the inner workings of the misunderstood dynamic.
What is power play? And how does it relate to the pup scene?
“Power play is a term used in adult BDSM play, where one person’s role is to be submissive and the other person is dominant,” explains Miss May, a professional dominatrix and host of E1 Darkroom. “We play and indulge in power imbalance. A lot of people find solitude in giving up control or gaining control.”
Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism, more commonly known as BDSM, is a collective name for sexual practices that explore power dynamics, pain, pleasure and restriction in consensual pre-agreed scenarios.
Power dynamics exist in every relationship we have, be it between your work colleagues, friends and family members. In many of these instances, the authoritative role and submissive roles are predetermined through social norms and hierarchies and are often unyielding and unchangeable. We often find ourselves slotted into these social experiences in a non-consenting manner. They’re predetermined, but not of our own making.
BDSM offers another way to explore power dynamics where consent and self-determination play a pivotal role in the experience. Exploring these same power dynamics in the context of sex can offer us room to play out fantasies, subvert negative experiences, or even to regain and lose control in situations where you ordinarily might not. Some find BDSM practices a good arena to explore past traumas and process emotions, too, and can be extraordinarily profound.
When done right, BDSM can be a healing, empowering and gratifying experience. However, there are a few misconceptions about BDSM more generally that can make it feel shameful, exploitative and unsafe.
Some might wrongly assume that submissive preferences mean losing control, when in fact, submissive partners often set the pace. Others might believe that being dominant is about inflicting pain and punishment, when it can also be a tender understanding of a person’s limits and desires. Whatever you’ve heard or gleaned from fictional representations of it in popular culture *cough* Fifty Shades of Grey *cough*, the reality is very different.
First things first, any form of BDSM requires a whole lot of communication and trust. There’s a period of negotiation to establish boundaries between the dom and the sub. The play is built on continuous, enthusiastic consent, which can be revoked at any point. Afterwards, there’s aftercare in the form of cuddles, chats, snoozes – whatever you might need. What’s important to remember is that BDSM isn’t defined by a single sex act alone, but the 360-degree exploration of intimacy.
It’s worth bearing this in mind with pup play, that like broader BDSM practices that find their way into the mainstream without context or community guidance, it can easily be misconstrued as absurd or devious.
Photo: Szymon Stepniak
What is pup play?
One thing pups want everyone to know is that the scene is ever-evolving, diverse and couldn’t be more removed from ideas of bestiality.
Pup play can provide a safe arena for sexual exploration. But these roles can be platonic in nature too, focused on community bonding, playing and socialising.
Depending on the needs or desires of that person, they may take on the role of a ‘puppy’ or a ‘handler’. Handlers tend to take ‘ownership’ of pups by collaring them, or the two can exist as solitary members of a pack.
The practice of pup play can be dated back hundreds of years, though it has gained recent popularity in more mainstream spaces thanks to the internet and a general movement towards social acceptance of fringe sex and relationship practices.
According to Pup Play 101, a community resource website helping to destigmatise and demystify pup play, a pup might identify with the label ‘Dog’, ‘Alpha’, ‘Omega’, ‘Pupper’ or any number of other canine related names, whereas a handler might be known as ‘Sir’, ‘Madam’, ‘Mister’ or ‘Ms’, for example.
Pups may wear leather masks, called ‘pup hoods’, collars and other canine-related gear, though this isn’t a necessary part of pup play. They might play, or ‘mosh’, together with squeaky toys and bones. But it’s important to remember that a pup can still explore their pup-ness without all these things. Though they can bring on a sense of ease and help enter what is called the ‘headspace’.
Pup Stretch, who wishes to be known by their pup persona, explains that a headspace, for them, can be entered pretty easily. “If somebody calls me a good boy, it instantly melts me. It makes me happy. It makes me want to wag and roll over for belly rubs, as silly as that sounds…” he pauses, before explaining, “but it shifts your mind from everything that is in your normal world to a much simpler, much easier, more stress-free, no worry headspace.”
Stretch explains that this state of mind is a form of escapism that can be triggered by uttering just a couple of keywords. “For others, it might take longer,” he says, adding, “it’s an escape.”
@tonybearaloney_live I definitely get what they mean! he made me feel so special and it was like my heart melted for him all over again. ❤️ #pupplay #pupplaycommunity #pup #lgbt #lgbtspaces #relationships #couples ♬ original sound – TonyBearaloney
This is something that TikTok user @TonyBearaloney documents. He excitedly speaks to camera, explaining that he finally understands the “warm tingly feeling inside when you truly get to do what you want to do” that he’d read so much about.
“My heart exploded”, he recounts after being told he was a “really cute, good boy.”
“I literally felt so much love and warmth inside,” he says.
When it comes to pup play, there are many crossovers with BDSM principles; however, unlike BDSM, pup play isn’t inherently sexual. Pup play can also be about garnering platonic affection and intimacy. Additionally, some might choose to use ‘pup-sonas’ to explore personality characteristics they otherwise may not have.
“People like to get into any type of BDSM, in my opinion, to escape. Dressing up and stripping off your humanity gives people a release. Putting on a mask, listening to orders. We get to turn our brains off,” Miss May explains.
This is echoed by one TikTok user, @PuppyJester, who expressed in a video dating back to 2023 that wearing pup hoods can be a calming experience.
@pupjester Replying to @lose your smile Shitbags hope this helps answer the question a little bit. #pupjester #jesterspuphouse #pupplaycommunity #pupplay #humanpup #wwpuppack ♬ The Champion – Lux-Inspira
“If I’m wearing one of my muzzles or wearing one of my hoods, at that point it helps with my social anxiety. It turns my brain off. I’m not having to think as much like a person.”
Like Jester, Oli_The_Pup_, who wishes to go by his TikTok handle, 25 from Southend on Sea, explains to Gay Times that being a pup helps him combat his social anxiety.
“As soon as I put that hood on, I feel like I can speak to anyone and do anything,” he says. “It makes me feel confident.”
What’s more, being in a pup-handler dynamic with his partner makes sexual exploration a freeing experience based in play. Recounting his recent play session with his handler, Oli_The_Pup expresses how these roles allow him to be social and have adult fun with other pups outside of their otherwise closed relationship.
Exploring the scene
Miss May advises taking your time and easing yourself into it. “Don’t treat people as kink dispensers,” she says, “Find your community, friends, lovers or play partners. If you’re too shy to play at events, you can book a dungeon or hotel too and play there with your play partner.”
There’s also the SFW route into pup play, if you’re looking to explore platonic connections.
“I personally attend Pup Out in London, which is a fun SFW pup event and pup space. It’s a great way of finding loads of other pups,” Oli_The_Pup_ says.
What’s the role of a handler?
In pup play, the handler’s role is similar to that of a caretaker. Someone who has authority over their pup, but ultimately wants them to be happy, obedient and loving while in a state of play.
Their role, similar to that of a dom, is one of servitude. Handler David writes on his website that, to him, being a handler means being a caretaker of a community, and not just of those they’ve collared – a term that describes the action of taking ‘ownership’ of a pup.
“[sic] As members of the community who tend to not experience a headspace, Handlers are also the human companions to pets in the community,” he writes, going on to explain that handlers are also community leaders.
Handlers and pups share a special bond.
“The pup knows what’s expected of him before the handler would even ask; they can play and be silly and have a good time and not worry about anything,” Stretch explains.
What kind of pup can a person be?
There are limited central resources that fully explain what a pup is or how one can express oneself as a pup. However, this blog entry from 2020 does a pretty good job.
How do I find my pup-eople?
The internet community of pups and handlers is an open and friendly one. There are also a multitude of resources around language, expectation and play possibilities.
“Educate yourself about the kink and the intention behind why you want to explore it,” Miss May suggests. “Don’t take yourself too seriously and have fun!”
I ask Stretch what advice they have to share about their journey that could help other pups just starting out on theirs. “Don’t give up and keep following your arrow,” he says.
“It took me from 2018 till just now at the beginning of 2025 to find a group of pups in my area, and the amount of happiness and comfort and calmness that they have brought into my world is life-changing.”
I can see the emotion in Stretch’s eyes as they express how much these friendships have enriched their lives. “My wish for everybody that’s thinking about it or into it, don’t be discouraged. Someday, hopefully, they can all find that happiness, because it’s out there.”
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