The husband of fashion icon Diane von Fürstenberg, Barry Diller, has publicly come out as gay for the first time.
On 6 May, New York Magazine published an excerpt from the tech billionaire’s upcoming memoir Who Knew – which peeled back the curtains on his sexuality and longtime romantic relationship with Diane.
“While there have been a good many men in my life, there has only ever been one woman, and she didn’t come into my life until I was 33 years old,” he wrote.
“There are many complex aspects of my relationship with Diane von Fürstenberg: romantic love and deep respect, companionship and world adventuring, then disappointment, and separation, and finally marriage.”
Diller went on to say that he “never questioned” his sexuality’s “basic authority” over his life, adding that he was only afraid of the reaction of others.
“And when my romance with Diane began, I never questioned that its biological imperative was as strong in its heterosexuality as its opposite had been. When it happened, my initial response was, ‘Who knew?'” he continued.
“I’m well aware that this part of my life has caused confusion and lots of speculation. A relationship that began with indifference, then exploded into a romance as natural to us as breathing, surprised us and everyone else. It really is the miracle of my life.”
Diller went on to give insight into his first meeting with Diane in 1974 – who was married to Prince Egon Von Fürstenberg at the time.
Describing the fashion icon as oblivious and dismissive, the former movie exec recalled being confident that he would never meet her again.
However, that changed when Diller was invited to a party celebrating his close friend and agent to the stars Sue Mengers, which Diane was ironically hosting.
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Before diving into his second meeting with his now wife, Diller opened up about his extensive and private dating life with men, revealing his first same sex experiences started in his teenage years, “street cruising in West Hollywood.”
“The subterfuge continued into my 20s, save one Fourth of July weekend when a guy I had met invited me to join him on Fire Island. Since I had never been in any kind of ghetto (other than a rich one), I wasn’t prepared for a place that was all guys, all the time,” he wrote.
“I had so much early career success you might have thought I’d conquered what I saw as the biggest danger in my developing life. I’d conquered other phobias, but fear of exposure still had a tyrannical hold on me, so much so that it stunted any chance of my having a fulfilling personal life.”
Diller went on to say that he locked away anything related to his sexuality, adding that he became so successful at compartmentalising his feelings that it “both ruled and riled his life ever since.”
“I never discussed my personal life, lowlight as it was, with anyone. Even though as the years went on, I began to be realistic and understood that ‘everyone knows,’ I never wanted to make any declarations,” he continued.
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“So many of us at that time were in this exiled state, so stunted in the way we lived. I hated having to live a pretend life, one that was totally silent on all topics normal people talked about with each other. Of course, I could have declared my sexuality, come out as some others were doing, but I was among the many at the time who were too scared to do so.”
Since coming out wasn’t an option for Diller, he created and followed a unique “bill of rights” that allowed him to live within a blurred line.
Some of the rules included never bringing a man to a heterosexual event or never doing anything that would make anyone believe he was living a heterosexual life, like having a “beard”.
“It wasn’t courage – it was simply the minimum conditions of my conduct, and I recognise it now as the opposite of courage,” Diller explained.
With his bill of rights firmly cemented in his brain, Diller attended Sue’s party.
However, his life was turned upside down when he met Diane again. Instead of having a dismissive attitude, Diller said the beloved fashion designer greeted him with a “dazzling smile”.
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“As we walked, we made little asides to each other, and then, like in the gym scene from West Side Story when everyone else fades away and Tony and Maria are left along, Diane and I found our way to a sofa, far away from the rest, and we stayed there for a long time,” he said.
“There was a glow around us that was setting off sparks, accurately described by the French as a coup de foudre. Flushed and completely discombobulated, I said, ‘I’ve got to go,’ and she walked me to the door.”
Their second meeting proved to be life-changing for Diller, who recounted their passionate escapades and the start of their official romantic relationship.
The 83-year-old also revealed that he initially kept his romance with Diane private because he didn’t know how to define it properly. However, despite staying under the radar, people began to notice that they had a profound and emotional connection.
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“People started saying, ‘Huh’ What is it with this person? We thought he liked only men,'” he wrote.
Towards the end of the excerpt, Diller shut down the reports, labelling him and Diane as close friends.
“We weren’t just friends. We aren’t just friends. Plain and simple, it was an explosion of passion that kept up for years. And, yes, I also liked guys, but that was not a conflict with my love for Diane,” he said.
Read the full excerpt from Diller’s memoir Who Knew here.
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