Coming out is a personal choice that can be mired with feelings of shame, guilt, worry and very real danger.
While it can make you feel alone, unseen or incongruent with yourself to keep it all inside, it might feel less terrifying than risking it all and letting people you love – and who love you – know the truth of your identity.
That’s why, for some people, coming out can bring with it such a tremendous sense of relief, joy and homecoming, especially when they’re met with love, acceptance and kindness. While for others, it can confirm worst fears and cause understandable trauma.
Listen, coming out isn’t easy. So, whether you’re thinking of disclosing your identity or your sexuality (or both!), these films are here to show you that, sometimes, things work out for the best. And even in the moments that don’t, there is plenty of queer joy to be found in chosen family, good friends and being who you are.
But I’m A Cheerleader (1999)
Celebrating its 25th year, the 1999 LGBTQIA+ cult classic But I’m A Cheerleader is one for the books.
We follow Megan, played by Natasha Lyonne, who is sent to a conversion camp by her parents, friends, and, err, RuPaul, who plays ‘ex-gay’ and camp leader, Mike.
The cast is packed with spectacular celebrities, from Clea DuVall as Graham and Melanie Lynskey as Hillary. You’ll recognise plenty of LGBTQIA+ icons.
From the realisation of why Megan doesn’t like men, to her coming to terms with her sexuality in a Pepto-Bismol pink world, the film captures self-acceptance, grief and the turbulence of teenage identity in a brilliantly vibrant world.
A Secret Love (2020)
Coming out doesn’t always happen in your teens. For others, like Pat Henschel and Terry Donahue, it can take up to 70 years.
A Secret Love, a feature-length documentary released on Netflix in 2020, follows the secret love lives of Henschel and Donahue, who met in 1947. As the tale unfolds amidst recounts of fateful bar raids and broader anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiment in the United States during this era, we learn more about the deep, uncompromising devotion of the couple.
It’s a tearjerker, so be sure to have the tissues and a shoulder to cry on handy!
Paris is Burning (1990)
No LGBTQIA+ film list is complete without the tour de force and genre-defining documentary, Paris is Burning, released in 1990.
While we get an unfiltered and unforgettable look into the drag and ballroom scene of New York City, the film demonstrates the true meaning of chosen family while navigating the thorniness of life during this period for anyone outside the gender binary.
If you’re worried that coming out will leave you friendless or alone, Paris is Burning will remind you that no matter what, there will always be people who will love and admire you for who you are.
Girl Picture (2020)
If you’re in search of a foreign film that steers sensitively through the complex waters of girlhood and sexuality with ease and at times compelling fervour, then look no further than Girl Picture.
Set against the backdrop of Finland’s all-consuming winter, the film tells the coming-of-age story in ways not been done before. Watch as the three friends grow, change and understand themselves in a way that is assured, tender and full of beautiful moments.
A Nice Indian Boy (2024)
Based on a play of the same name, A Nice Indian Boy turns the rom-com genre on its head. Following characters Karan Sori as Naveen Gavaskar and Jonathan Goff as Jay Kurundkar, the story that unfurls is one of joy, laugh-out-loud moments and real tenderness.
While the film doesn’t deal directly with coming out themes, it does deal with familial prejudices, expectations and ignorance masterfully. It shows that even the most loving and accepting families make mistakes, evolve and grow.
By the end, your heart will be warm and toasty.
Blue Jean (2022)
If you’re in the mood for a stirring masterpiece, then pick up a copy of Blue Jean.
Set in Newcastle in 1988, we follow Rosie McEwan as Jean, a closeted P.E. teacher, as she comes to terms with her sexuality and identity during a period of heightened moral panic and Section 28.
We see Jean face prejudice and acceptance, find and lose community, all while grappling with the worry of being found out and losing her job and helping a student who is experiencing homophobic bullying.
If you’re grappling with feelings of acceptance or plagued by worry, this film is a brilliant watch that is sure to help you see your experiences mirrored in this excellently acted story, and hopefully, will help you make sense of them.
Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Call Me By Your Name is a heady foray into simmering desire and sexual awakening, and is Timothée Chalamet’s breakout role.
Chalamet, who plays Elio, a 17-year-old boy on holiday with his family in Italy, suddenly falls deeply in love/lust with Oliver, played by Armie Hammer, who is interning at Elio’s father’s company.
Messy? Yes. But the film’s navigation of these themes is delicate, tender and full of complex moments that feel all too real. Another one that should be watched accompanied by Kleenex and big, strong arms.
Pariah (2021)
Themes of identity and gender expression are explored intimately and unflinchingly in Pariah.
Set in Brooklyn, Alike – played by Adepero Oduye – is desperate to know themself, be themself. But that isn’t always easy when their parents are either in denial about their identity, or pressuring Alike to conform to gender roles because they fear their identity.
Alike sets out on in desperate search for self-determining sexual expression, in this radically frank, honest and at times difficult exploration of identity on one’s own terms.
Princess Cyd (2017)
Sixteen-year-old Cyd, played by Jessie Pinick, is new to town and living with her aunt Rebecca Spence, played by Miranda Ruth. Here, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery in what can only be described as a curious, smart and compelling coming-of-age story.
Princess Cyd is a feel-good film that approaches sexual exploration in a way that is heartwarming and full of nose-tinglingly warm moments.
Housekeeping for Beginners (2023)
Dita, played by Anamaria Marinca, finds herself taking on the role of parent to her girlfriend Suada’s children, played by Alina Serban, after she receives a devastating diagnosis.
Housekeeping for Beginners is all about a chosen family that continues to choose one another to keep themselves a family unit. It’s heartwrenching, honest and perfectly depicts interfamilial conflicts, growing pains and parenthood.
Love, Simon (2018)
Meet Simon, played by Nick Robinson, a typical high school student with a great life, great friends and great family. Except Simon has a secret he’s been holding on to. Simon is gay.
Confiding in the anonymous e-mail penpal ‘Blue’, Simon bears his secrets, only to find they’ve been leaked all over the school.
Love, Simon, confronts being outed, taking back control and grapples with ignorance in a funny, compelling and feel-good story that anyone who’s ever feared being found out should watch.
Swan Song (2021)
This endearing, flamboyant film on self-rediscovery is a must for any LGBTQIA+ elder who’s lost their youthful fervour and pizzaz.
We meet Pat Pitsenburg, played by Udo Kier, a retired hairdresser and ex cabaret performer in his retirement home. One day, Pat is asked to do the hair of one of his former clients – only catch is she’s dead.
Swan Song is a beautiful, cross-generational story of how Pat finds himself again, amidst his grief, his flair for beauty and performance are reignited in a truly heartwarming film. Plus, you’ll spot LGBTQIA+ icons Jennifer Coolidge as Dee Dee Dale and Michael Urie as Dustin.
A feel-good must-watch and a reminder to never lose your sparkle!
Bottoms (2024)
Josie and PJ, played by Ayo Edebiri and Rachel Sennott, are desperate to get laid before graduation. And their great plan to make that happen? Start a fight club for girls, obviously.
Bottoms is a rompy, hilarious and seriously uncool story of two unpopular queer girls doing their best to have sex. If you’re looking for something that is guaranteed to have you wheezing with laughter and feeling way cooler in your queerness than you might have originally thought, then this is the one for you.
Moonlight (2016)
Moonlight is a tense and relatable telling of coming of age under the pressures of expectation. We follow Black, played by Trevante Rhodes, as he grapples with trying to understand his identity and navigate the complexities of coming to terms with sexuality that doesn’t align with those expectations.
The film is beautifully shot, with a compelling script that speaks to the Black experience of manhood, hyper masculinity and fear of being othered further by your own community.
I Saw The TV Glow (2024)
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you risked your entire life to follow another path that seemed so incredulous, so wildly unlike the suffocating, essence sucking life you lead? Then you’ll love I Saw The TV Glow (2024).
While this film is a thrilling, often frightening and uncanny science fiction, it is littered with subtext on the trans experience. For anyone wondering what would happen if they chose a different way of existing, of being, then this is the film for you.
