Whoever said money can’t buy happiness was – in the words of Michael Marouli and Tomara Thomas – “f**king skint”. Since inheriting [insert vast amount of wealth here], the Drag Race UK icons have transformed into Eddy and Patsy from Ab Fab on “crack”, building a two-floor Greggs restaurant in their mansion, as well as a tunnel that connects their mansions and doubles as a party venue complete with airlifts, Dom Pérignon and an occasional cameo from Donatella Versace. Naturally. (All of that might need, erm, verifying?)
Of course, this chaotic aristocracy is all in the spirit of The Inheritance, Channel 4’s delightfully campy and chaotic new game where 13 strangers compete for the riches of an extravagant benefactor, played by the legendary Elizabeth Hurley. Overseen by Robert Rinder as the executor of the will, it’s a cut-throat contest of wit, willpower and betrayal where only the most cunning can claim the fortune.
So, with their inheritance in mind — again, some of this may need verification — Gay Times headed to St. Pancras London, Autograph Collection, to chat with Michael and Tomara about their “batshit crazy” lives as newly wealthy heiresses, including their indulgence of “botox and sausage rolls” and why they’re in no rush to draft a will. (Spoiler alert: they’re getting cryogenically frozen and fully intend to outlive us all).
GT: Michael, Tomara. How does it feel to, finally, be some of the richest – and most fabulous – queens in the UK? As well as our new GT cover stars?
Tomara: It really just feels… correct. I feel like we were destined for this. It was in our – what’s it called? What’s it called? It was our…
Michael: It was our destiny.
Tomara: That’s the one. Thank you, Marouli! It was our bloody destiny.
Michael: It absolutely feels correct, like we were born for this. You couldn’t have found two more grateful slags to take this money.
Tomara: Thank you very much! Cha-ching!
GT: Take me back to when you found out that you would be inheriting this large sum of money. Like you said, you’ve waited your whole lives for this, right?
Michael: Absolutely. My first thought was, ‘That’s us kept in tights for the rest of our lives!’ Know what I mean? Let’s pay the tax bill off and just go f**king crazy.
Tomara: We don’t have to worry about tax ever again.
Michael: So, we screamed, we partied, we got drunk. We literally just thought, ‘This is it – now we’re set for life.’ When we found out, we just went balls to the wall, batshit crazy and had the best night ever.
Tomara: We drank a bottle of tequila – each. We did nearly get the stomach pump, but we didn’t give a f**k, darling, because we’re literally billionaires. Who’s arsed about the liver, hmm? Not me!
GT: “Nearly”? Okay be honest: how many liver transplants have you had since you inherited the money?
Michael: Two and a half?
Tomara: Two and a half, yeah.
Michael: The first one didn’t take.
Tomara: It’s the ‘half’ part that actually did.
Michael: We like things a bit skinnier, so we didn’t want the two fatty livers. We just wanted half.
GT: It’s great to hear that you’ve both been incredibly sensible with this newfound wealth.
Michael: You know us, babe! We’re just being absolutely wild. We’re nearly bankrupt already, but f**k it.
GT: Tell me, what was your first bonkers purchase? How did the Angels of the North spread their wings?
Michael: Oh, babes. You tell ’em all about Greggs.
Tomara: See, what we did is, we were so hungover we didn’t eat for a week. We literally just had tequila in our bloodstream. It was only after the seventh day that we became starving and rang every person in charge of Greggs and said, ‘You’re going to build a whole….’ – it isn’t a salon, what is it? Restaurant. We said, ‘You’re going to build us a whole restaurant in the mansion on the lower floor.’ So now we have, sitting in my mansion, a two-floor restaurant of Greggs.
Michael: Our own personal sausage rolls, babes.
Tomara: But angel, but not just any sausage rolls. They’re actually the shape of angel wings. They’re the shape of… what’s it called?
Michael: The angel eye!
Tomara: The angel eye.
Michael: Yeah, so we’ve got our own Greggs built in and a Botox clinic. They were the first two things we wanted, and that’s all you need to survive: botox and sausage rolls.
GT: That is what doctors say, after all. So, you share a mansion?
Michael: No.
Tomara: No, no. We do have one mansion we like to stay in when we miss each other, but then have another mansion where we like to keep our distance.
Michael: Yeah, when she gets on my tits and I need my space, I’ve got another one. But then we have a little camp little corner that connects our two mansions, like a little tunnel that we like to have a little party in.
GT: The tunnel itself is a party space?
Michael: Absolutely.
Tomara: If you’re into that, Sam, if you’re into that…
GT: How long does it take to travel through the tunnel? Is it a bit of a journey?
Michael: We just get airlifted. Wheels to the sky and a prayer.
Tomara: A Dom Perignon in one hand and a vape in the other, and I just get lifted.
Michael: I love seeing you fly through the sky.
GT: What has been the most unnecessary purchase you’ve made, but also one that feels really essential to who you are as queens?
Michael: A gold-plated lawnmower. We couldn’t just have a normal lawnmower to shave Tomara’s legs.
Tomara: Yeah, I do have that thick, heavy flow of hair. So I needed a good strong staple to just trim it down just a little bit.
Michael: I’m talking caveman size.
Tomara: Yeah, we’re talking a beast of a thing.
Michael: So yeah, we didn’t need it to be gold plated, but we thought…
Tomara: We’ve got the money. Fuck it!
GT: Do you feel comfortable and safe enough to tell me how much this gold-plated lawn mower cost?
Tomara: I think it was two billion. Was it?
Michael: Something like that?
Tomara: These are my moneymakers at the end of the day, so we cannot cut these legs. We needed safety. We needed a safety moment, but still enough to cut through this thick long ass hair. Thank you.
Michael: We don’t ask about the numbers now. We just tap the card and go.
Tomara: We just tap! In fact, we have someone do that for us.
GT: What’s your accountant’s name?
Tomara: I always forget. It doesn’t matter.
Michael: Ginger Johnson.
Tomara: Read it and weep!
GT: With this newfound wealth, you must have many staff members at your disposal?
Tomara: Oh well, as you can imagine, an army!
GT: Do you treat them well? Or are they unionising?
Michael: No, we always treat ’em well. They’re one of us. The more the merrier. You know us, we’re good time girls. We just have a ball from morning, noon at night. But occasionally we get sick of them. So we just need a little break, don’t we?
Tomara: We give them a five minute break. That’s all they get. They get five minutes to have a shit, eat and drink. We are in demand women, and we demand a lot of shit now.
Michael: Yeah.
Tomara: We’ve come from nothing, but now we have everything and we like it. So, we give them a solid five minutes. That’s all they need. Just a nibble of something.
GT: When people have a little bit of money, they’re treated differently. Are there any celebrities or even Drag Race alumni that have, perhaps, changed their attitudes towards you?
Michael: RuPaul did ring us and ask to come round for tea and we said, ‘Mother, anytime. You are welcome.’ So, she’s been on the phone straight away.
Tomara: She can’t get enough. She loves the third mansion.
Michael: Absolutely loves it. Who else, Tomara?
Tomara: Graham Norton likes to come around every so now and then as well.
Michael: All the Drag Race queens are banging the door down. But, I think because we’re just working-class, normal Northern girls, people want us to see us do well, don’t they? Everyone’s just been nice. There’s been no jealousy or horrible bitches. They wouldn’t last two f**king minutes anyway.
GT: What has surprised you about the life of a mega-rich person?
Tomara: You get bored, actually.
Michael: We just blew through this money because we like to be… What’s the word? Instant gratification. We just want more and more and more.
Tomara: So we’re in Cannes one week, next day I’m bored.
Michael: We’re just greedy, greedy, power bottoms.
Tomara: We do wipe our tears with hundred thousand dollar bills, darling. It is And the people that tell you that it’s not – they’re lying! They don’t have enough money.
Michael: People who say that are f**king skint.
GT: So, how would you describe your new life: is it more Downton Abbey, but with drag queens, or Absolutely Fabulous on speed?
Tomara: It’s Ab Fab on speed. We are literally Patsy and Eddie on crack.
Michael: Sweetie, darling!
Tomara: Our knickers are hanging down to our ankles.
Michael: Shopping sprees… F**king binge drinking.
Tomara: Birkin bags! Chanel! Every designer you can handle. We had Donnatella over the other night.
Michael: Names, names, names, sweetie.
GT: So, tell me about The Inheritance. Without giving away any spoilers, what makes this show a must-watch – particularly for queer people? Is it as camp and chaotic as you’d expect?
Michael: Absolutely. All the drama, all the high glam as well. The sprawling surroundings of the big house….
Tomara: The stakes!
Michael: Yeah, the stakes are so high, that’s what it is.
Tomara: The stakes are high and everyone is wanting that money. So there’s a lot of drama involved. And who doesn’t love a show with drama, darling?
Michael: Exactly. And Elizabeth Hurley just looks so sensational! So yeah, it’s fabulous.
GT: What would you say is more important in the show: to be cunning, to have charisma, or a killer set of heels?
Michael: I would say it’s the cunning. Because once you’ve got the money, then the heels come after. You can have as many as you want.
Tomara: The cunning makes me cum. If you are cunning, I’m cumming!
Michael: You are a cunning c**t.
GT: So let me get this right: if you are cunning, then you will be cumming?
Tomara: Put that on a T-shirt.
GT: If the deceased were watching you right now, what outrageous thing would you want her to see? What would Elizabeth Hurley be gagging over?
Michael: She would absolutely gag at the fact that, like Tomara mentioned earlier, we flew Donatella Versace over to the house. We wanted to recreate Elizabeth’s famous paperclip dress. Remember?
Tomara: We’re too big. We couldn’t fit in a paperclip.
Michael: So we’ve ended up with bulldog clips instead.
Tomara: Our asses couldn’t hold it all in with a safety clip.
Michael: Nah. Bulldog clips and a prayer, but we look f**king iconic still.
GT: With immense wealth comes the issue of the will. So, when you one day pass over and enter the Pearly Gates, who are you leaving your wigs, lashes, nails and all of your best-selling “If You’re Cunning, Then You’re Cumming” merch to?
Tomara: No one.
Michael: It’s all going to a museum.
Tomara: You will have to pay a lot of money to get in there and look at our shit. You can still smell us in the wings – you can smell my tights, actually, because we don’t get washed. We just wear a new pair every single time we hit that stage.
Michael: It’s not going to be for a long time anyway because we’re both getting cryogenically frozen. So when we thaw out and eventually die, then maybe it’ll go in a museum. But no one’s getting a motherf**king penny.
Tomara: No one f**king gave us s**t. Everyone can f**k off.
GT: Although you both said you’re almost bankrupt, what are you planning next with whatever fortune you have left?
Tomara: We’re off to Marbs in the morning.
GT: Wait, did you say Mars?
Michael: Marbs! Yeah, we’re going to Mars.
Tomara: We’re actually going to Mars. So if we don’t come back, get that f**king museum working bitch!
The Inheritance on Channel 4. Watch or stream here, Sundays and Mondays at 9pm and Tuesdays at 9.30pm.
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