Michael Johnston (and his milk) is our Obsession 

He acts, he sings, he makes his own organic plant-based milk. What! Can’t! He! Do! 

American actor Michael Johnston was catapulted into the zeitgeist this year as Bear, the One Wish Willow-popping music store employee in Curry Barker’s Obsession, the breakout horror hit that’s become one of the most profitable films in history. Yes, Bear himself was a walking red flag. But Michael? Green! So green! 

The actor has quickly become the internet’s favourite little gay-boy obsession, from joking about his Wikipedia page listing his “IBS” status (really invested in this, to be honest) to using every available interview opportunity (okay fine – two interviews I have seen) to discuss his homemade organic milk empire. 

Hollywood, get him another major role. Or even a milk sponsorship. That will do! 

Elliot Page wins the war, MAGA loses the plot (as per!) 

Sea monsters? Sure! A cyclops herding sheep? No problem! An all-powerful witch turning unsuspecting travellers into animals? Perfectly realistic, apparently! But cast one trans person – y'know, an actual human being who exists in real life – and suddenly the self-appointed guardians of historical MAGAccuracy are clutching their pearls.