Polyamorous educator Leanne Yau responds to a reader who has unwittingly become a forgotten member of a throuple.
WORDS LEANNE YAU
Welcome to A Polyamorous Perspective, an advice column where I, Leanne Yau – a bisexual, polyamorous, and neurodivergent educator, writer, advocate, and expert at Taimi – answer your burning questions on navigating all things non-monogamy. I’ve been in various forms of open relationships since 2016, and have been publicly sharing tips, personal stories, and resources on how to practise healthy, sustainable polyamory since 2020 on my page, @polyphiliablog.
Dear Leanne,
I started dating a guy who was in a couple and he told me that the one rule in his non-monogamous relationship was complete secrecy about what he gets up to with others in his dating life. Then, I started dating another guy with the exact same set-up. I ask around on the scene and…turns out they are a couple! I feel a bit cringe dating them both at the same time, especially since – unbeknownst to them – we’re basically a throuple at this point. I’m dreading the moment that I bump into them both at a party and the other shoe drops. How do I navigate this while respecting the privacy they each want in their dating life?
