Design by Yosef Phelan

If the answer to the question 'would you like to be dominated?' is 'yes, mistress', but you're a little unsure about where, or with whom to start your BDSM journey, then rejoice, sapphic sub. You're in for a treat. 

We've been busy chatting with the best doms in the biz to bring you the ultimate sapphic mean girl etiquette guide, so you know what to expect and can start asking for what you want, open-palmed and on bended knee, with all the respect Mommy (and you) deserve.

Let’s get back to basics with BDSM 

Understanding what lurks beneath the surface of our desire can render us tacky-palmed and tongue-tied. Because where do we even begin? There are so many avenues to explore and learn how you want sex to look and feel. Particularly so under the BDSM umbrella.

"The biggest cliché in BDSM is [that] it’s about pain," says Jane Grey, a professional dominatrix from London, the sun beaming through the blinds of her home as we chat over a video call. "It’s about an exchange of power and the willingness to give that up and the willingness to take on the responsibility consensually."

"The biggest cliché in BDSM is [that] it’s about pain."

During a typical BDSM play date, this power exchange is defined by 'dominant' and 'submissive' categories, more commonly referred to as 'dom' or 'sub'; however, these aren't binary, rigid descriptions. 

Some people may find they 'switch' between these two identities. Others may feel they experience the same feelings of power and control, despite taking on submissive or dominant roles. This is partly because BDSM, like most kinks, is also about subversion, which is deeply personal and based on lived experiences. 

So where does the professional mean girl fit into all of this?

What is a 'professional mean girl'?

Professional mean girls, or dominatrixes if we're not trying to appease our sex censorship overlords, are sex workers who provide a dom service. 

You might decide together on play that focuses on humiliation, where you are berated and made fun of by your mistress; there's findom, where a sub hands over money or financial control to their dom; one you may have heard of is bondage, where your movement is restricted by restraints; and voyeurism, where cuckolding might take place, or you watch your dom enjoy sex with someone else and are 'punished' for it. 

However, this is not an exhaustive list. And not every dom will provide the same service. Even if they do, it won't be the same experience...