Design by Yosef Phelan

I remember once this twink sliding into my Instagram DMs to ask, “what are you here for?” and I was so confused. Girl, this is Instagram, I’m here to mindlessly scroll and like the thirst traps of mutuals, what do you mean? The same thing happened to me more recently on Bluesky. A friend of mine told me they got propositioned on Linkedin. The immediacy of hook-up apps has forever changed the way we as queer people talk to each other. I’ve noticed I’ve started asking people IRL “where are you based?” rather than “where do you live?” The scripted nature of our conversations on apps such as Grindr and Sniffies means our questions can now often be shortened to one universally-understood word: “accom?”, “now?”, “into?”, “pics?”, “bb?” It’s also changed the way in which we meet. My friend Ethan told me about the concept of the gay handshake: the way our community will date, shag, friendzone and then become besties.